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Biography:
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I am Miss Private Tails. Born in Hollywood, California to an Uber-Religious man, and a beautifully strong, yet submissive woman. I was raised to honor thy father and only to listen to my mother when she repeated what my father said. OBVIOUSLY that was a problem. I was born third out of four women. By the time I was four, I had taken two year-round ballet/tap/jazz classes, and my mother had had enough abuse.
As a strong woman raising stronger women, she gave us all the choice: "Stay with your father. He makes a lot of money, and you will never be poor. Or Come with me. I have nothing, but love and a dream for you. I will help you to become whatever you want to be. We will grow up together with beauty in our hearts, and that will guarantee the discovery of beauty and happiness in our lives."
Three out of four of us followed our mother. Regent, the eldest, decided that she had a better solution.
As she was not my father's daughter, she was the only child born to Lady and the Viscount, she was Fifteen, and decided to stay in California, but not with my father. She stayed with our grandmother, Empress. Empress was the mother of Duchess, Lady and Marquis. Duchess bore two sons, Lady bore the four daughters, and Marquis has no legitimate children.
The success now lies with us, Regent, Pretty, Private, and Princess. Regent bore one daughter, Dowager. She warms our hearts as her childhood was not that easy. Regent, her mother, married three before Dowager was fifteen. Dowager learned to be strong, independent and is becoming a fine heir to the throne.
But until she is of age, or we pass on, it still lies with us.
Pretty. The second Eldest, as she was the first born to the Uber-Religious man, began with a bang! She left High School and attended University on an Athletic Scholarship. From the University, she played professionally in a land very far from home. So far, in fact, she learned a different language and fell in love with one of the nobles there.
We all thought that we would be in great shape with the Union of Pretty and Baron, the foreign noble. How were we to know that Baron could not fare in the land of Pretty. The Union was called off, and we Tails' were back to square one. With the amount of strength that is present in Pretty, we thought she would bounce back. No. Her heart was broken by the Baron, and she has never quite recovered from that.
It now sits with me. On my shoulders. I am Private. Private Tails. My story is not as glamorous. I grew up in the same household with Pretty.
I was not the eldest, the prettiest, the smartest, or the youngest. I was the one in the middle. I made a choice at a young age; if I couldn't be better than them, I'd follow in their footsteps and at least be as good.
Well, I did just that. Pretty played soccer, basketball and softball so I played soccer, basketball and softball. Pretty played the viola and the clarinet, so I played the viola and the clarinet. Pretty was a cheerleader, so I became a cheerleader.
It wasn't until high school that I decided to try my own path. I played Lacrosse instead of Soccer in HS. I danced and did Gymnastics instead of Basketball. I became a choreographer and coach before I graduated from high school and started at the University.
I began teaching dance as a freshman in the University. I pledged a sisterhood because I was far from my family for the first time in my life. As much as I hated being overweight and not as easy on the eyes as they were, I missed them. I needed someone to take their place while I was away.
I began to thrive as a sister and as a dancer. I began choreographing dances for the dance team, cheer squad, dance club and Greek Week. People were starting to know who I was.
Upon graduation, I thought I was finished with fame. I was a Theatre Major, but I had no faith in ever acting or directing again. That's when I learned of Drag Queens. Biological Males who dress up as Females, lip synching to Female-Voiced songs in outrageous outfits and the heaviest make up (on their faces AND bodies) I'd ever seen. Rather entertaining, though.
I started attending the show monthly, then every other week, then every week. I was fascinated. They were amazing and eventually started to recognize me. My lack of fashion sense and style guidance apparent. They wanted to help me. I was one of the unfortunate ones.
The one who spearheaded this transformation was Ophelia Bottoms. A tall, intimidating Queen who was known as Freddie's own Dominatrix. What? I knew of Dominatrices because I grew up with one. But this one was wearing a vibrating glove and touching people's private parts in public. I couldn't say no. I was too scared to!
It turns out, her daughter, Notochya Bottoms, went to High School with me and I had met her other daughter, Baby Bottoms, in Middle School. Small world? I'll say. Notochya Bottoms and Baby Bottoms took the task of naming me. Let's just say, a Jenna Jameson Porn and a Dunkin Donuts commercial later, and Beau DonkaDonk Bottoms was born.
But I was still not 100% pleased. The Drag Queens got to dress up as the opposite gender. Why couldn't I? Then, Baby Bottoms introduced me to my Uncle. Xavier Bottoms. The first Male Gender Performer I had ever seen. Xavier was the BLOOD OLDER SISTER of my mother Ophelia and the girlfriend of Baby. Wow. I knew I needed another name for my male counterpart.
It was late, and they yelled, "Fine! Mo' Bottoms." And that was it. So, I had to find a way to perform as him. I figured that was my first way, then I'd add my female character as a Hyper Female character. But where do Drag Kings perform?
That's when I found the DC Kings. I attended one of their shows with a friend, and fell in love. There were women of all shapes, sizes, colors, genders and quantities performing on the stage together. I joined a week later. My calling had returned.
I performed with them for the first time, trying hard to do something fresh and new. So, without enough King confidence, I decided that I would put Mo' on hold and let Beau take the stage first. I performed All That Jazz from Chicago, but I took my clothes off and tap danced. It was brilliant. My first show at Phase 1 made over 50 dollars in tips alone.
At that show, that fateful August 14th show, a woman in a tiny corset walked up to me after the show and handed me her card. It had the "Baby Phat" cat on it. I was so confused. She said her name was Miss Kitty Victorian and she produced a monthly show at Club Chaos. Her show was short a few acts and she'd love it if I would perform in her show the following Wednesday. I could do the EXACT SAME NUMBER.
What was I to do? How was I to proceed? Yes of course, I wanted to scream! But in a calm, collected and even tone, I said, "It would be my pleasure," all the while I'm grinning from ear-to-ear while giggling and playing in my hot pink Barbie Corvette.
I left the show higher than if I had done all the drugs in the world. That moment can never be taken from me. I decided to publicize the second show. If I could make over 50 without anyone knowing, what would happen if I TOLD them?
I put an ad on craigslist. That Wednesday, I'm shaking inside. I couldn't believe what was happening. The bar was filling up, and they were there to see me? It must just be the following that the DC Gurly Show brings. No pressure...
The show starts, and the host performs first. I'm new so, just in case I bomb, they shove me in the middle. I'm third. My music begins, and I start backstage. No one can find me because I'm in the crowd thanking them for coming and smiling and cheesing. Then...
A Blank and a Blur. I can't remember much, except I slipped in my tap shoes, and performed a panic-split. Apparently it was flawless. I counted my tips after the show. I.made.75.dollars. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! I LOVE THIS!
AND we got paid on top of that, so I made 100 dollars on my second show. I just might have found my calling. It's basically musical theatre mixed with stripping! Holy Crap!
My drag family will be so proud! And they were. They were there. They made it to "Beau DonkaDonk Bottoms' Debut." After the show, they surrounded me and were so proud to have me as their new little sister, daughter, niece, cousin... etc... I made them proud. Who could ask for a better beginning?
Throughout the years, Beau is performing as often as possible, at Capital Pride, Youth Pride, nearby colleges, etc. She is feeling like she's on top of the world. But then, trouble came upon Lady. She had lost her job and we had to move.
I found a place for Lady and I to live, Pretty was out of the country playing soccer, and Princess was away at University. I was working hard and playing harder, eventually lost that. I was sleeping on friend's couches and floors until enough was enough. I weighed almost 200 lbs, was 5'3" and was going nowhere. I joined the Army.
I enlisted and had to stop performing for six months. I was miserable, but proceeded to lose the weight and gain muscle mass. I dropped to 140 in six months. When I returned, I had money, a place to live, and I was extremely happy. I decided that with the loss of 50 lbs, Beau DonkaDonk and Mo' Bottoms had to retire, too.
So, I needed a NEW name. I wanted to be a Bottoms, still, so I had to alter it without losing the meaning, maybe a double entendre? I called Lady and Notochya for advice, after a few suggestions, we came up with Private Tails.
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